It's August

What's going on in my life?

“Waiting for what? It’s August. My life is going to change. I feel it.”
- Raymond Carver, Will You Please Be Quiet, Please?

Many Augusts ago, in August 2018 exactly on this day (I wrote this letter on the 16th), I uploaded this quote on my private Instagram account, something I didn’t often do. Of course, it was an August post, an August saying, an August wave-of-hope, and that terrible, terrible August desperation that makes you upload quotes on Instagram as you gasp for a breath of relief some air, please!

Some five Augusts later, as I sit down on my messy bed in the city that is my home and write this messy, first-drafty letter to you, fighting against my horrible compulsion to write ‘perfectly’ (whatever that means) - my life has changed. I am changed. Everything around me has changed. When I enter this home, on an August day, after a year and some more, when I sit in this bed, use the same chai ka cup but now I’m drinking coffee in it, when I look out of my window at my neighbor’s half-demolished house, but also to the lovely kadam ka ped full of scampering squirrels, standing right outside, blocking out the sun, people and everything else, I feel like I’m in the wrong body or perhaps the wrong mind. Wrong time?

Yet not. It’s alright. It is all, right.

Some things haven’t changed. The weather in my city is just as hard for me to deal with as it was back then - the air is hot and heavy, it’s hard for me to eat and breathe in this weather, and I’m waiting for it to rain. Being at home, I’m almost never alone. I cannot work properly, my writing is constantly interrupted, and I’m in dire need of privacy; but would I rather be sitting in an apartment in a different city by myself typing away or chilling in some expensive 5 - star place, eating expensive ice cream with a stupid friend? I don’t think so. After a year and more, I am home. I’ve eaten the best food I have in a year - ghar ka khana, mom-cooked. I’m with my family and dog. I know this place. This place knows me. See? I think that’s pretty cool.

There have been some other changes that I’ve noticed this August. Something I simply can’t miss to mention is that my dog, Shadow, has become kinder and lovelier, and honestly, just the goodest boi in the whole wide world (I’m prepared to fight you on that). Returning home has had me re-reading books - I’m currently re-reading Anne Frank’s diary, The Diary of a Young Girl (incidentally, my dad bought me that book in 2018). I feel everyone in the world should read it. A thirteen-year-old Jewish girl that goes into hiding with her family because of the Nazi’s genocidal agenda, still goes through the whirl of crazy relationships with family, friends and her many suitors, and documents her life, her closest, realest, meanest, loveliest, filthiest, honorable-st thoughts in her diary, which by the way, she writes as beautifully and artistically as a diary can be written, (I mean, when I used to keep a diary, it had zero literary qualities) - these days at home, I think of Anne Frank, of what a wonderful writer she would have become had she been allowed to live (not that she needed permission) and write.

Even though I’m barely finding enough time, energy or will, (I don’t know which one it really is) I am writing when I can. Currently I’m working on a short story about a 57-year-old-man, coming to terms with the truth about his friends, family and worst of all: himself. He has an interesting character quirk, and the entire story is supposed to be a character revelation. It’s going slow, but I think it’s going good - I like what I have so far.

Every now and then, I find myself binge watching end-of-the-world kinda Netflix shows, recent ones being, The Rain and The Society. Perhaps I want to hear and see narratives of great courage, strength, love and hope.

Good things have found me once again in August and let me know I should keep going. Big or baby steps do not matter as long as I take them. While a couple of months back, I decided that my time as Poetry Editor with the borderline literary magazine had come to an end (having successfully produced four issues together with the team), I am delighted and honored to let you know that I have joined The Terrarium of Hellebore Press as Assistant Prose Editor for Issue 11, and The Dawn Review as an Editor. A couple of weeks ago, a literary agent from a top literary agency in India also reached out to me and requested me to share some of my work samples with them. They later told me they’d potentially be interested in representing my book and would like to be kept in the loop regarding that. I have also received some lovely messages in my DMs regarding my writing, especially my story Maybe a Butterfly Will Sit on Us, from people I do not personally know. I can tell you there is no better feeling in the world. I love that my work is being loved. I’m also truly happy to have started this newsletter - I loved writing to you in such a random, unplanned way, like friends ring up friends.
What more can I ask for on a hot and uneventful August evening?

P.S., if you have some advice/recs/anything to say to me, here’s me telling you to go for it, please! Whether it is about homecoming, writing, literary agents or book publishing, book or Netflix recommendations, or just anything at all, feel free to slide into my DMs as long as you slide in gracefully (please be kind and appropriate). Instead, if you just want to quietly buy me a coffee, you can do it here.

P.P.S., I don’t really think friends are stupid.
And hey, it’s raining right now as I’m adding pictures for you! (Guess, August prayers and dreams come true!)

Until next time!
xoxo

Signing you off, is goodboi himself!!